The Road To Perdition

A man apart.

Life is not fair. You walk around with your head up  with some sort of feathers on your hat. We keep threads of rainbow in our pockets, waiting for the right moment to be at someone else in eyes of the beholder. But no matter how much we keep our heads up, at the end of the day, we bow down like nothing happened to your life throughout the years you’ve been keeping your head up. Heavy head you think? Naaahhh, there must be something else. No. Not just something else. It’s more than that. It’s something bigger than life. It’s something that we crave for. Yes, maybe to be someone else and go big in the world of the giants. Unfortunately, time is too fast to catch up with. And we end up a looser. That includes me. When will the rainbow in the pocket lead us to golden pot? I don’t know.

Chasing The Dream

We all have dreams to chase. We open our palm like a dry land waiting for the rain to fall and rinse the thirst we have inside. And when the rain comes, green begins to cover the field that we walk on, clearing the dust that blurs our eyes. Bull’s eye’s cherry becomes clearer in sight. The dream is there, waiting to be grasped.  We extend then our hands to take it. But the closer we get, the farther it gets. Why is that?

Dreaming is not enough. Keeping that in mind makes us then regret that years that passed. But letting them pass isn’t always the case. For there are so many things around us that lead us to squander the opportunities at hand. Gravity sometimes weights us down neither not to lift a finger to touch it nor to take a walk towards it.

The only thing that we want in life is to become rich. That should lift our hats off over the others. With that, we can impress everyone with fast cars, flashy clothes, and big sparkling bling bling hanging around our neck. Moralists would speak that it’s not the only thing that matters in this lifetime that we have. But reality bites. Walking around naked feels like walking around on the field of shadow and death.

Now, if dreams haven’t come around our way, lying on bed with the ticking of the clock the only sound that we hear, we begin to ask ourselves, “where have I gone wrong?”  Have we gone dumb and moron not to recognize the opportunity that should have been ours? Again, sometimes it’s not a matter of spilling the beans on the floor without picking them. There are so many things that make one of the hooligans.

It’s one of those days. As they say, it’s the family that pushes us to dream big. With that, we forego of our own set of satisfactions. For them, we move heaven and earth and be the family man. On the other side of the coin, it’s the same thing that brings us closer to self destruction. Again, we forfeit the chance to be somewhere just to be around for the family. However, that can’t be the case since we were fed with values of being a responsible man for the family. It’s an acceptable fact which we find it unreasonable to rebut.

Assuming we have done our part for the family. Coming to age, that’s when we begin to wonder where to go. Anyway, everything is a matter of choice. Yes, that’s how things are. But making choice is never done in a free will. Why is that? Because making a choice at your own discretion makes you selfish like a juvenile delinquents treated like a criminal in their own rights. Dreams will then have to be shelved. And that’s the only consolation prize we get. Consolation prize? I guess the price is defined for being an upright man.

Marry Your Daughter

The saddest part of becoming a man and coming to age is to be left behind and be rendered mute and blind when everyone starts talking about how happy they are being with someone or being married. It’s hell not being able to share at least one best story about it. Is it a man thing to be alone?

We all chase for the right girl. It feels good to be in love and be loved. But with, again, some gravity pulling us back to become a great lover, we’re bound to be in isolation. Damn.

The problem with getting older, when we felt like needing someone beside us, we become possessive and insecure. We begin to feel like we’re chasing the time and cursing the clouds for setting the sun behind them. There’s no sunshine having breakfast alone. Another damn.

Assuming we got involved with someone. That’s the best part. And the last thing that you want to think of is how to make a marriage proposal. Ouch, that’s a screamer! But why do you think we fall into that snake pit?

We walk around with someone, people that we know will hunt with the question “when are you guys getting married?”. Third damn. That puts more pressure now. You might be ready. The question is, does your partner have the same thing in mind? Now that’s a problem. What? You’ll just have to impregnate that girl and throw her on the same snake pit where we are?

The Dilemma Of Getting Older

Okay, we got married only for the reason she got pregnant. Happy? Don’t be. There comes another problem. We’re old now! The fear now is, “will we still be able to survive that long to see our kid walk around and be a proud Daddy that long?

Waiting and contemplating for to get a woman, we must have dried liters of liquors and must have smoked thousands of cigz. Is there any way we can avoid that? Too bad not too many of us can do that. Not unless we’re being vain of our lifestyle. But again, being vain makes one appear like a gay. And we don’t like that stuff.

So, what’s next? We scramble then to provide the kid with a better future. But how can we do that when arthritis is beginning to kill us? And the vices that we had is beginning to take their toll on us? That’s too bad for our partner. They’ll begin hating us. We can only cross our fingers for that, and for heaven not to close down on us.

Here’s the angry bird part. What if the partner is on the other side of the world and you’re left with nothing to be proud of? Hey, this is not the married part. It’s the bf-gf thing. I hate to fart about it, but what if your partner is denying to everyone that you don’t exist and that she keeps on telling you that you’re the one, but you’ll have to be quiet about it. Haha. What are you now, a dreamer? You don’t exist. You’re a fucking ghost in the eyes of everyone!

Tsk. The story just jumped at the crazy part of a pocket book.

A Man Apart.

What makes a man then? How are we going to prove it? When are we going to prove it? Much when we’re picking the age already.

This part is going to be short. We might have gone through a lot of things –things that might have made us mature and understand life’s mystery. But I guess it’s not that easy to understand things when we’re growing old alone.

I don’t know. My hands are tied. I’ll soon figure out how to cut it lose. Maybe when I’m dust and bone already. But no matter what’s in store for me, for us, let’s celebrate life. A toast for us. A man apart sometimes makes a man.

Should I invite you on my road to perdition?